Why the MLB Sucks

Carl Crawford just signed a mega 7 year, $142 million dollar contract with the Boston Red Sox.  In a few days or weeks you will hear that Cliff Lee signs a similar deal with the nationally beloved Yankees.  Because I mean, if you can’t beat him…buy him.

After just watching ESPN’s Sportcenter for a good half hour, it would appear to any alien momo not familiar with sports that this thing called the MLB consists of only two teams.

“How did Boston land this deal?”…”What is the Yank’s strategy moving forward?”…”Is Boston now the favorite over New York?”…”The Yankees must concentrate on the Cliff Lee deal”.  Just some of the dialogue in what amounted to a big market circle jerk.

Wait what about the Mets?  What contracts are they looking into?  OK, OK! That was a joke.  Im not even sure the Mets are fielding a team this year.

I digress.  The MLB sucks because it, more than any other sporting league, caters and enables the big market teams to monopolize contract talks and free agency.  Why is this?  Well, because as we know, the MLB has no salary cap.  Instead they implement a “luxury tax”.  This allows teams to go over the salary cap whenever they wish, with a tax rate applied on any amount over 178 Million (2011).  But the rich don’t mind paying taxes on athletes.  It’s only a problem when they are asked to up the ante on income tax to stimulate the economy.

I digress again.  Consider this, since 2000 only four teams have payed a luxury tax.  Detroit, Los Angeles…and you guessed it, New York and Boston.  New York has won the World Series once in that period, Boston twice,  Detroit made a World Series appearance in 2006, and Los Angeles was division champions three straight seasons.  This isn’t bitterness.  And other teams have and will win.

The Giants won this year.  Texas made a cinderella run.

But look what’s about to happen.  Texas will most likely lose their ace in the hole of the 2010 season as Lee is a probable future Yankee.  Carl Crawford, stud of the underdog Rays is now headed to the other rich bitch of the Northeast.  Why? Because these smaller market teams simply cannot compete with the contracts that these big market teams offer.  They cant give 7 year, 100 + million dollar offers.  If they did, that player would be the only one on the field.

Teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, and Angeles have secured over double the amount of playoff berths in the last decade than that of the likes of the Pirates, Rangers, and Tampa Bay.  There’s simply too much disparity.

In the NFL we have underdogs, cinderellas, hot teams, shitty teams winning. We have stories like the New Orleans Saints lifting the spirits of a battered city.  Teams in these leagues have a fighting chance against New York, New England, and Dallas.

In the MLB, we may have a cinderella story, but then the clock hits 12 and the Yankees buy a nicer pair of slippers.

Christmas Cheer and Winter Beer

It’s cold out.  We have all lost our Summer tans.  It’s dark by time you get out of bed.  Your belly is starting to look like the jolly old fella in the red hat.

But with the Winter chill comes Christmas, everyone’s favorite holiday, unless your Jewish.  And in light of the holiday season I’ve decided to list the top Christmas gifts for 2010.  And in staying classy like always, I’ve also included the best Winter beers to sip on while waiting for the Santa man.

Here’s the Top 10 gifts for 2010 (a lot better than frankincense and myrrh):

10. Halo Reach (Xbox 360)

9. CX Swiss Military Watch

8. Pandora Jewelry

7. Playstation Move

6. Samsung LN 40c630 LCD TV

5. Motorola Droid X

4. Apple Ipod Touch 4g 32gb

3. UGG Boots

2. Apple iPhone 4

1. Apple iPad Tablet

 

Top Winter Booze:

10. Brooklyn  Winter Ale

9. Schlafly Christmas Ale

8. Young’s Winter Warmer

7. Brooklyn Black Chocolate Stout

6. Pyramid Snow Cap

5. Bush Noel

4. Samuel Smith’s Winter Welcome

3. Samuel Adams Winter Mix; Holiday Porter

2. Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale

1. Samichlaus

WikiLeaks and the Verge of War

Yesterday the whistle blower website Wiki-Leaks, known for disclosing hundreds of thousands of classified government documents, released over a quarter million “diplomatic cables”.  These cables are communications between the U.S and their foreign embassies and foreign leaders.  They shed a ton of light on what the U.S. and other countries think of political leaders and foreign affairs.  Still not sure what the fuck I’m talking about?

Let me put it this way…

You and your girlfriend talk on the phone.  As gossiping is a certainty, you two begin to talk shit about that bratty, overhyped Susie Shoemacher who isn’t even pretty and wears too much eyeshadow.  You discuss how she manipulates boys, but how you’re jealous she has the newest edition of UGGZ.

Ok, now pretend that bitch is Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran, and those UGG Boots are nuclear weapons (yes I compared UGGZ to weapons of mass destruction).  The problem arises when the consequences of spreading such talk carry more than a possible bitch-slap or admittance into the Burn Book; yup that’s a ‘Mean Girl’ reference.  These leaks can, and most likely will, ignite an already tense global political climate.

While the leaks uncover a whole spectrum of correspondence- from calling Vladimir Putin “Batman” to offering Slovenia a meeting with Obama if they accept a Guantanamo Bay prisoner- I’m more concerned with the correspondences dealing with Iran and North Korea, as these nations are the center-point of volatility.

Here are some excerpts from today’s NY Times articles discussing the cables…

-In a secret cable sent back to Washington, the American ambassador to Israel, James B. Cunningham, reported that Mr. Barak had argued that the world had 6 to 18 months “in which stopping Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons might still be viable.” After that, Mr. Barak said, “any military solution would result in unacceptable collateral damage.”-

-His plea was shared by many of America’s Arab allies, including the powerful King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, who according to another cable repeatedly implored Washington to “cut off the head of the snake (Iran)” while there was still time.-

-The cables also contain a fresh American intelligence assessment of Iran’s missile program. They reveal for the first time that the United States believes that Iran has obtained advanced missiles from North Korea that could let it strike at Western European capitals and Moscow and help it develop more formidable long-range ballistic missiles.-

The cables also indicated Israel may soon take matters into their own hands and strike against an increasingly shady Iran.

Now on to North Korea…

– Thinking about an eventual collapse of North Korea: American and South Korean officials have discussed the prospects for a unified Korea, should the North’s economic troubles and political transition lead the state to implode. The South Koreans even considered commercial inducements to China, according to the American ambassador to Seoul.-

-Iran obtained 19 of the missiles from North Korea, according to a cable dated Feb. 24 of this year-

– The missile intelligence also suggests far deeper military — and perhaps nuclear — cooperation between North Korea and Iran than was previously known. At the request of the Obama administration, The New York Times has agreed not to publish the text of the cable.-

-Because they are State Department documents, not intelligence reports, they do not include the most secret American assessments, or the American military’s plans in case North Korea disintegrates or lashes out-

Alright, now here is why I believe we will see a rise in foreign tension and perhaps even war.

These documents in no way have the power to drive countries or regimes into war.  But what they do have is the ability to antagonize already tense affairs and further common cynicism and unease among nations.

In recent days North Korea has blatantly used military action against an offshore island in South Korean territory, killing several Koreans.  Now as U.S.-S. Korean military drills are set to take place, North Korea has insisted these illustrations will be seen as a direct and viable military threat. *ADD WIKILEAK*.  Now North Korea is aware that the U.S and South Korea, as well as China, believe the North will collapse and dissolve into a unified Korea.

North Korea, already agitated and aggressive may look to prove otherwise and unleash a blitz of military attacks on the South.

Iran already ignores U.N sanctions and refuses to talk about unloading nuclear weaponry.  As the U.S. intelligence indicates, Iran has received military arms from Russia and nuclear weapons from North Korea.  *ADD WIKILEAK*.  Now Iran is aware that many of their “brothers” in the region (Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Qatar, Israel) believe Iran must be stopped and drastic action should take place.  They now know, if they didn’t already, that Israel is prepared and willing to launch attacks on them.

Iran, with this information, may look to strike first against Israel or Saudi Arabia, unearthing a war in the Middle East of nuclear proportions.

Iran and North Korea, already participating in a sketchy partnership, may fortify their relationship and ally during war.

My point, after 840 words (thanks for sticking through it), is that many of these international relations are already strained.  Due to recent events in Korea I believed even before these leaks that war was imminent in that region.  Now that these diplomatic cables have been disseminated, I believe that these tense regions have just been pushed one step closer to war.  Let’s hope I’m wrong.

Or maybe all we need is Tim Meadows to come arbitrate the conflict and the U.S can tear off a piece of tiara for everyone! (second ‘Mean Girl’ reference).

127 Hours

Directed by Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire) and starring James Franco (Milk, Pineapple Express), this movie is based on the true story of Aron Ralston’s survival story.  In limited theaters right now, but make an attempt to see it.  Check out the trailer below…

The Rock-Paper-Scissors (and)-Shoot Conflict Resolver

I was in 4th grade.  My best friend Bryan, a conniving little prick, decided he wanted my sacred Charizard Pokemon card.  You know, one of the highest level Pokemons ever obtained.  I was reluctant of course.  Despite this, his 9 year old rationale seemed reasonable…”lets rock-paper-scissors for it”.  Oh, OK, yes that is the fairest way.  You’re right Bryan.  So henceforth we went, trading rock and paper blows, with the occasional surprise scissor.  Eventually he won, and my beloved Charizard went bye-bye. 

Flash forward 12 years, now a senior in college, and this form of conflict resolution is still used, and used a lot.  Take for instance today.  In an important group meeting about the logistics of our final paper, we decided to let the meat of the essay be decided by a r-p-s match.  So we went ahead, and this time I came out victorious.  I won the coveted prize of only writing the introduction.  My fallen opponent? He’s stuck with 4 pages of misery.  Rock-paper-scissors is unforgiving.

Inherent in this phenomena is the absurd willingness of both conflicting parties to participate.  Whether it is over the last piece of cake or who gets to go after the blond at the bar, people quickly agree to the terms and conditions.  No matter how steadfast one may be in their convictions, if rock-paper-scissors presents itself, more times than not hand gestures will be thrown.

It’s how I decide who gets first serve in Volleyball Intramurals.  It’s also why I keep owing 12 packs of beer at the start of almost every weekend.

This got me to thinking, what if every major conflict was decided by a rock-paper-scissors match?

The Trojan War (Achilles vs Hector): Hector throws rock-Achilles throws scissors = Greeks go home = Mythology abolished.  

War in Middle East: Palestinians throw rocks (not hard to imagine)- Israelis throw paper = Palestine concedes their territory = Middle East becomes top vacation destination

North Korea Nuclear Arms: N. Korea throws paper- UN throws scissors = Lights stay on after 8PM and Koreans can attend the next World Cup.

Gay Marriage: Gays throw paper – Constitution throws rock = Adoption rates go up.

Next election I am voting for the official that believes in Rock-Paper-Scissors as their foreign policy.

Beatles?

Apple’s big iTune news arrived. The news is that the Beatles catalog of music is now available.

I like the Beatles.
But please tell me the last time they were truly relevant.

What a bummer of an announcement. I guess that’s because secretly I was hoping they’d announce that all music on iTunes is now free. What a world that would be.

Steve Jobs Smart

Apple is doing something tomorrow.  I know this because it says so on its site.

“Tomorrow..Is…Just…Another…Day”.  And then a break.  A long silent pause.  And  I began to agree that, yes, Apple, indeed tomorrow is just another day.  But then more came.  A fury of letters scattering in order across the screen.  “That you’ll never forget” the site adds.

Wow.  Well, I guess we’ll have to stay tuned till tomorrow to find out more about this epic day.

I want to be Steve Jobs smart.

Enrique.  The man who sang “Hero” and “Bailamos”.  This same romantic will be telling you he’s gon’ fuck you.  We knew he was on a path to being a club sensation with his recent hit “I like it”.  But now we know.  “Tonight” is fast, upbeat, fun, and dirtyyyy.  You’ll see…

Fast and Furious Civic

I drive a 2008 Honda Civic.  It is a 4-cylinder, basic level sedan.  No turbo charged engine, no tinted windows, no douche-bag pin stripes or in-your-face bumper stickers.  Just a simple, silver Honda Civic.

Despite these nonthreatening facets of my automobile, drivers on the road seem to believe I’m a menacing street racer – ready to burn rubber off the line at any given red light.

Today I was stopped at a red light.  Two tough rednecks in a tough pickup pulled up next to me.  They peered into my window.  I looked back.  Apparently the look I gave – in addition to my fast and furious civic – indicated I was ready to hit 70 in under 6 seconds.  Green light.  Rednecks fly off the line and my competitive nature gets the best of me.  I push my 4-cylinder engine to its limit.  It hangs tough until the next red light.

Now its on! Rednecks peer into my window again.  I’m not sure, but I think one of them gave me the signal made famous by Meet the Parents, in which Robert Deniro and Ben Stiller indicate their eyes are on the road ahead.  Their engine revs.  Mine murmurs.  They fly off the line.  I make the left.

This has happened before, and it will happen again.  For whatever reason, my precious Honda Civic (which I sarcastically deemed the Silver Bullet) has a reputation that precedes it.  Maybe I look like Paul Walker.  Nope, that’s definitely not it.

So for now ill settle on my Civic having a bigger bark than bite.  And if you see me on the road, know that I’m ready to race.  I’ll LET you win.

Welcome, but beware

Hi folks.  This blog’s been a long time coming, and after spending 45 minutes having my great URL names rejected, IT’S HERE!

As you can see I settled on my own name for the URL.  But that defeatist attitude ends there.

This blog, as the title provokes, will note day-to-day epiphanies; it will be my forum for sharing things that open my eyes, that startle me into thought.

It’ll also be a place where I share some cool shit.  I will post new music, strange news, ridiculous YouTube videos, and other internet quarks.

I will be sharing some deep, personal things as well.  Stuff that seems easier to post up on a global blog site than talk about to friends.  Makes sense.

Many times I will be rude, politically incorrect, harsh, crude, insensitive but always honest and respectful.

Hope I entertain and incite.  If not, go back to Facebook.

So people…welcome, but beware.